Anger Has Its Partners in Crime

Anger Has Its Partners in Crime

By Gonan Premfors

When was the last time you got really angry? Take a moment to think about what happened. Remember the events and circumstances that led up to the incident. Analyze how you felt and try to pinpoint why you responded the way you did.

When you take a minute to meditate on a moment when you were really angry, you might notice anger is a huge emotion that overshadows all other emotions. When we dig deeper we find that there is a lot hidden inside our anger. Anger doesn’t like to travel alone. Anger is almost always accompanied by another emotion. Fear, embarrassment, pain, guilt, pride, and disappointment are all emotions that can incite and accompany anger. What emotions are inciting your anger?

 “What emotions are hiding behind my anger?”

Check in with yourself and ask, “What emotions are hiding behind my anger?” This can help you deal with your anger in a productive and positive way. When we do this we will gain new information about ourselves and our relationships. With this new information, we are better equipped to act with maturity. Consider this example:

A parent and child are walking on the sidewalk. The child starts to cross the street, but a car is coming. The parent grabs the child and pulls them to safety. As soon as the danger has passed the parent starts yelling at the child telling them that they could have been killed and that they need to be more careful. The parent is feeling extremely angry.

There is no question that in this case, the child needs to learn a serious safety lesson. But let’s consider why the parent got so angry? The anger probably developed from the emotion of fear, fear that their child almost got hurt or even died.

If the parent examined their thoughts before expressing their anger, they would realize their anger was fueled by another emotion. In this case, it is fear. What inspired that fear in the parent? Probably a deep and unconditional love for their child. In recognizing the primary emotion was love and not fear, the parent will have a very different conversation with the child. Instead of yelling, the conversation might center around love, safety and how scared the parent felt when the child carelessly tried to cross the street. Take a minute to think about how you would respond to this situation, with this new awareness.

The next time you feel angry, identify its “partners in crime.” Doing this will be a helpful exercise in self-management with a positive impact. Instead of engaging in secondary, and often misleading emotions, you can connect with the truth in every relationship.

Gonan Premfors

Gonan is the originator of the philosophies behind Gozamm, the home of the Parentology, Trust and Open Heart workshops. An industry thought-leader and a perennial innovator, Gonan is setting trends in the realms of families and business worldwide. Her eclectic background; being born in Turkey, married to a Swede, having lived in the Middle East for 25 years and now living in California, she truly brings a new dynamic perspective to an important field. -- view all articles